Paula Deen -- I Don't Need a Comeback ... 'I Never Went Anywhere'

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Paula Deen
I Don't Need a Comeback
'I Never Went Anywhere'
Paula Deen is choosing to ignore her epic fall from grace -- telling TMZ, she doesn't need to make a comeback after her n-word scandal ... because she "never went anywhere."

Fact is ... Paula's reputation has been destroyed -- but the celebrity chef is refusing to wave the white flag.

We talked to Paula as she was flying out of Savannah, GA for Houston ... where yesterday she got a standing ovation at a cooking convention, then broke down in tears -- a full 180 from the stiff upper lip routine she gave us. 

Interestingly, the person by Paula's side at the airport ... none other than Hollis, her dutiful bodyguard.  You may remember the New York Times interview, when she mentioned Hollis was "as black as that board," referring to the black background.

She does have some kind words for 2 Chainz' new cookbook. Mayonnaise and butter, yum!

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NFL Star Jonathan Ogden -- Never Trust a Big Butt and a Smile

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NFL Star Jonathan Ogden
Never Trust a Big Butt
and a Smile
Girl, I must waaarn you ... NFL Hall-of-Famer Jonathan Ogden ripped out a version of Bell Biv Devoe's "Poison" at his HOF induction party last week ... and ... it's ... well, it's pretty damn entertaining.

The Baltimore Ravens legend grabbed the mic and rocked out like it was 1990 all over again at his post-induction party on Canton, Ohio last weekend.

FYI -- the guy's 6'9", 345-pounds and routinely OWNED some of the baddest men on the planet ... so, are YOU gonna tell him he can't sing for a damn??

Neither are we.

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Matt Damon -- I Would NEVER Run for Political Office

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Matt Damon
I Would NEVER Run
for Political Office

You'll never EVER see Matt Damon's name on an election ballot ... 'cause the actor tells TMZ he has NO desire to run for political office.

Damon is a super political guy -- he's been heavily involved with the Democratic party for a while  (though he's been railing pretty hard against President Obama for the past year).

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But despite his strong political opinions, Damon says politics just ain't for him -- and as he left Madeo in Beverly Hills last night, MD told us he'd rather just stick with his day job.

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Lindsay Lohan -- I Never Want to See a Bottle of Booze Again

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Lindsay Lohan
I Never Want to See
A Bottle of Booze Again
Lindsay Lohan is fiercely determined to live alcohol free -- and toward that end she's ridding herself of ALL traces of booze ... everywhere she goes.

Lindsay vows to stay clear of the hard stuff and not just in her home.  We're told she will make demands that hotel rooms, dressing rooms ... even mama Dina's home is alcohol free when she's present.  Good luck on that third one.

Fact is ... so far so good.  Lindsay checked in to the Bev Hills Hotel this week and ordered the staff to remove alcohol from her room prior to her arrival.

Lindsay says she'll travel with a sober coach for at least the next week, to make sure she doesn't succumb to temptation.  Ditto when she guest hosted "Chelsea Lately" ... she insisted her dressing room be stocked ONLY with non-alcoholic drinks.

To be clear ... we're not vouching for her in the long run.  It's strictly one day at a time.

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Bumbling Miss Utah -- I Zoned Out and Never HEARD the Question During Miss USA Fail

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Bumbling Miss Utah
I Zoned Out
During Miss USA Fail Miss Utah is beyond humiliated after her epic Q&A fail at the Miss USA pageant, and she's blaming her brain fart on a massive case of nerves ... TMZ has learned.

Sources close to Marissa Powell tell TMZ the beauty queen's mortified after babbling ... "we need to see how to create education better" while attempting to answer a question about salary inequality for women.

Marissa's now telling friends she botched the response because she was so anxious she spaced out during the question, and never really heard it.

Instead of asking the judge to repeat the question ... Marissa decided to fake an answer, but got more and more flustered as she tried to improvise.

Takes you back to high school, right?

Or maybe to 2007 with the South Carolina, and such as ...

Joe Francis Sex Tape -- SOLD ... But Will Never Be Released

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Joe Francis Sex Tape
SOLD!!!!!!!
But Will Never Be Released The Joe Francis sex tape has been PURCHASED by a major porn company ... but the footage will never, ever, ever, ever see the light of day, TMZ has learned. 

We broke the story ... a sex tape featuring the "Girls Gone Wild" honcho and his smoking hot girlfriend was being shopped to various media outlets. Francis had threatened to sue everyone and their mother over the tape, claiming it was stolen from his GF's iPad. 

But Francis can call off his legal pit bulls (for a change) ... thanks to a HUUUUGE favor from Vivid Entertainment honcho Steve Hirsch. 

Turns out, the two porn moguls are friends (same porny circles) ... and when the person selling the tape went to Vivid, Steve decided to do Francis a solid and snatched it off the market (price: unknown). 

Hirsch then turned around and gave all of the footage to Joe, along with the promise he'd never release the tape.  

As for why the porn kings didn't involve police ... Hirsch told us, "Because of the time-sensitive nature of the situation I made a decision to expedite the process and return the movie to its original owner."

TMZ reached out to Francis ... he had no comment.