NHL Star Dustin Penner -- I Need to Settle My Divorce ... FOR THE SAKE OF MY HOCKEY CAREER

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NHL Star Dustin Penner
I Need to Settle My Divorce
FOR THE SAKE OF MY HOCKEY CAREER!
Anaheim Ducks star Dustin Penner begged a judge to sign off on his divorce from his hot actress wife ASAP ... claiming the legal war is messing with his head and distracting him from playing like the kind of guy who deserves a FAT contract, TMZ has learned.

We broke the story, Penner -- who killed it for the L.A. Kings during their Stanley Cup run back in 2012 -- was hit with divorce papers from Jessica Welch last year.  She's an actress who once appeared in an episode of "Are You Afraid of the Dark."

After splitting in February '12, Penner and Welch banged out a settlement agreement and submitted it to the court -- but the case dragged on for more than a year.

So last month, Penner submitted a plea to the judge ... begging him to sign off on the divorce as soon as possible because the stress from the split could affect his game ... which could ultimately affect his wallet.

In the court docs, filed in L.A. County Superior Court, Penner writes ... "I am 30 years old. It is important for me psychologically to enter the upcoming season with this dissolution finally behind me so I can try to secure a multi-year contract."

He adds, "Training camp starts September 21st and I would like to have this matter completed before then."

Penner's wish was finally granted on September 9th -- so if he has a crappy season with the Ducks this year, he's all out of excuses.

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Jane Lynch Files for Divorce from Wife

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Jane Lynch is a woman of her word ... a month after announcing her marriage to wife Lara Embry was over, the actress has filed for divorce.

Jane just filed the docs in L.A. County Court, citing "irreconcilable differences." The 52-year-old "Glee" star met 44-year-old Embry back in 2009 at a fundraiser in San Francisco. They were married a year later in Massachusetts and registered for a domestic partnership in California soon after.

According to the doc, Jane and Lara have been separated since February. There are no minor children.

In the doc, Jane says she wants to terminate the court's jurisdiction to award Lara spousal support.

Sources connected to the couple have told TMZ they do NOT have a prenup, which means they can expect a 50/50 split of all marital assets ... but that will all be determined later.

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Kris Humphries -- You Should Divorce That Shirt In 72 Days

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Kris Humphries
You Should Divorce
That Shirt In 72 Days Get TMZ Breaking News alerts to your inbox

Nigella Lawson's Hubby Files For Divorce

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Nigella Lawson's Hubby
Files for Divorce
I'll Teach You, Bitch!
The husband of famous TV cooker Nigella Lawson has gone from the throat to the jugular -- filing for divorce because his wife didn't come to his defense after he choked her in public.

Yeah, you read right.

Charles Saatchi -- the mega-wealthy art collector who famously put his hands around Lawson's throat last month outside a famous London restaurant in plain view of paparazzi -- issued a statement announcing the divorce:

"I feel that I have clearly been a disappointment to Nigella during the last year or so, and I am disappointed that she was advised to make no public comment to explain that I abhor violence of any kind against women, and have never abused her physically in any way."
Saatchi got a warning from cops to not do it again. Boy, those Brits are forgiving.

But Saatchi wasn't done. He went on to blame Nigella, saying they had drifted apart over the last year and essentially admitting that he went to town on her throat:

"The row photographed at Scott's Restaurant could equally have been Nigella grasping my neck to hold my attention -- as indeed she has done in the past."
So what should happen to Saatchi? Please advise in comment section. Get TMZ Breaking News alerts to your inbox

'Sons of Anarchy' Villain Adam Arkin -- Wife Files for Divorce

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'Sons of Anarchy' Villain
Wife Files for Divorce

"Sons of Anarchy" villain Adam Arkin's wife has slammed the brakes on their marriage after nearly 15 years, TMZ has learned.

Phyllis Lyons filed the divorce docs in L.A. County Superior Court, citing irreconcilable differences.

It was a very recent split -- the couple was married in 1998 and just separated on Monday. They have one 8-year-old son.

The property settlement is still up in the air, but Phyllis wants to block the court from awarding Adam spousal support. Adam's rep had no comment.

Fun fact: Adam is the son of Oscar-winning actor Alan Arkin from "Argo" and "Little Miss Sunshine."

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'That 70s Show' Star Lisa Robin Kelly Files for Divorce After Explosive Argument With Husband

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'That 70s Show' Star
Files for Divorce After Explosive Argument

"That 70s Show" star Lisa Robin Kelly officially has firsthand experience with the unholy trifecta of failed marriages: 1) a restraining order, 2) criminal charges, and 3) DIVORCE.

Lisa and her ex Robert Gilliam have had an extremely tumultuous relationship ... Lisa was arrested for domestic abuse early last year. Months later, in November, she and her husband were both arrested for assault on one another in their North Carolina home. It's crazy ... considering the two had only gotten married in October.

And now it's already over ... Lisa has filed for divorce, citing "irreconcilable differences."

What triggered the divorce? Wild guess ... but it probably has to do with yet another domestic dispute that occurred between the couple in May in L.A.

According to Lisa, the argument started because Gilliam wanted her to empty her bank account and give him her money. She refused, and claims Gilliam attacked her, pulling her hair, throwing her to the ground, and choking her. She says he even threatened to shoot her.

Lisa says she tried to call police, but Gilliam snatched away her phone. Luckily, a neighbor called the cops for her and Gilliam was arrested. She obtained a restraining order shortly afterward, and filed for divorce last week.

As for Gilliam, he was convicted of domestic battery and was sentenced to 3 years probation plus time served in jail (69 days). He has to attend a 52-week domestic violence program and must stay at least 100 yards away from Kelly at all times. The divorce case is pending.

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Simon Cowell -- Get Me Out of This Divorce!

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Simon Cowell
Get Me Out of This Divorce!
Simon Cowell is upset ... very upset he's in the middle of what is becoming a bitter divorce between Andrew Silverman and Simon's soon-to-be baby mama Lauren Silverman, and he's pressuring her to settle ... sources with direct knowledge of the situation tell TMZ.

We're told Simon HATES the bad publicity, which he feels is making him look like an underhanded cad.  Our sources say Simon has painted a clear picture to Lauren -- the money she'll get from Andrew is minimal because of their prenup, so any significant cash will come from Mr. X Factor himself.

We're told Lauren is nervous and doesn't want to upset Simon, so she's feeling the heat.  Her problem -- she and Andrew are at odds over custody of their 7-year-old son, and she feels she may have to give too much in order to end things and appease Simon.

Although both sides have said they want to resolve the divorce amicably for the sake of their kids, we can tell you there's a lot of bad blood on both sides and it's getting really nasty.

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Kelly Rutherford Files for Bankruptcy -- Divorce Did Her In

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Kelly Rutherford
Files for Bankruptcy
Divorce Did Her In Kelly Rutherford is broke and she's filed for full-blown bankruptcy, and it looks like her mega-fight over child custody was her Achilles' heel.

Rutherford claims in her legal docs -- filed with the court and obtained by TMZ -- assets totaling $23,937 -- dwarfed by debts totaling $2,021,832.

Kelly's current monthly income is $1,279.33 ... way down from her final season on "Gossip Girl" -- $486,000.  The show recently wrapped.

Here's the problem -- she spent nearly $1.5 mil on legal fees for her bitter divorce/custody war with ex-hubby Daniel Giersch.  We've learned she's asking the family law judge to make him pay, but now she's waving the white flag by filing for Chapter 7 bankruptcy.

Kelly's also in the hole for income taxes -- more than $350,000 for 2012.  Add to that another $25,251 for Amex charges.

Kelly has a total of $11,487 in her checking account, around 5 grand in furniture, 5 grand in clothes and $1,500 in jewelry.

According to docs, she's borrowed 10's of thousands of dollars from friends and relatives to dig out of the hole.

The bankruptcy petition was filed last month.

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Tish Cyrus -- RINGLESS After Filing for Divorce [PHOTO]

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Tish Cyrus was spotted out for the first time since filing for divorce from Billy Ray Cyrus, and she looked a little lighter ... 'cause her wedding ring was nowhere in sight.

Miley Cyrus' mom was seen running errands near her home in Toluca Lake, CA.

As TMZ first reported, Tish pulled the plug on the marriage, citing "irreconcilable differences." The filing came three years after Billy Ray filed for divorce, but ultimately dropped it in an effort to save the marriage.

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Rage Against the Machine -- Bummer for the Drummer ... Wife Files for Divorce

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Rage Against the Machine
Bummer for the Drummer
Wife Files for Divorce
"Rage Against the Machine" drummer (and co-founder) Bradley Wilk has a solo in his future ... 'cause his wife just filed for divorce, TMZ has learned.

Wilk -- who's also beaten the skins for Audioslave and Black Sabbath -- had separated from wife Selene Vigil-Wilk just last Friday ... and 3 days later, she filed the paperwork in L.A. County Superior Court.

According to the documents, obtained by TMZ, the two tied the knot back in 2005 -- and have 2 young children together.

Selene is asking for joint legal custody ... but she wants primary physical, probably because he's a famous rock star ... and rock stars often go on the road.  She's also asking for spousal support.

Calls to Wilk have not been returned.

Rachel Uchitel Divorce -- Rich People's Problems

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Rachel Uchitel Divorce
RICH PEOPLE'S PROBLEMS!

Rachel Uchitel and hubby Matt Hahn decided to get divorced after an argument erupted over a bungled trip to the grocery store which then triggered allegations of kidnapping.  We will explain.

Sources familiar with the situation tell TMZ ... the morning Rachel called the cops on Matt -- she woke up only to learn her hubby hadn't gone to the grocery store like he had promised.  So Rachel had to schlep to the store with baby Wyatt and the family dog.  And when she got back, all hell broke loose ... name-calling on Matt's part and a little slapping on Rachel's.

We're told Matt called her a "dictator" for ordering him to perform chores on her timeline.  It escalated to the point Rachel called 911, pleading with cops to eject Matt from the house.

When the cops wouldn't give Rachel what she wanted, Tiger's ex executed Plan B.  She took her 1-year-old daughter to their hoity-toity weekend home in Connecticut and stayed for 5 days.  That set Matt off, alleging she kidnapped their kid.

Matt moved out of their NYC, $8,000-a-month rental, and Rachel returned with Wyatt.

As TMZ first reported ... Matt alleged "cruel and inhumane treatment" in filing for divorce, but now it looks like they're ending the marriage peacefully.

Like we said ... rich people's problems.

Miley Cyrus Peaces Out With Mom ... After Parents Divorce

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Miley Cyrus
Peaces Out w/ Mom & Sis
After Parents Divorce
The Cyrus women stick together -- a fact made clear when Miley Cyrus posted a "look how happy we are pic" with her mom and sister ... just days after her mom filed for divorce.

Miley tweeted the pic of herself, younger sis Noah and mom Trish Cyrus riding in the back seat of car sporting a peace sign and smiles, with the caption, "The baddest bitches in the world."

TMZ broke the story ... Trish pulled the plug on her 19-year-marriage to Billy Ray Cyrus earlier this week. That same day Miley angrily tweeted at her dad, "Since your text and email obviously aren't working would you like to talk like this?"

Bright side ... she did wish him a happy Father's Day, or in her words, "Happy daddy day."

Billy Ray Cyrus' Wife Tish Cyrus Files for Divorce

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Billy Ray Cyrus' Wife
Files for Divorce

Billy Ray Cyrus is getting divorced ... TMZ has learned.

Billy Ray's wife, Tish Cyrus, is citing "irreconcilable differences" in her filing.  Her decision to pull the plug on the marriage comes 3 years after Billy Ray filed for divorce but dropped it in an attempt to work things out.

Billy Ray and Tish have been married for 19 years and have 5 children, including, of course, Miley.  There's only one minor child left, Noah Cyrus, who is 13.  Tish is asking for full physical and legal custody, with visitation to Billy Ray.

Tish is also asking for spousal support, and she wants him to pay her attorney's fees.  The date of separation is listed as TBD.

A few hours ago, Miley tweeted @billyraycyrus, "since your texts and email obviously aren't working would you like to talk like this." 

Interesting ... when Billy Ray filed the first time he had said Miley's fame compromised their family.

Russian President Vladimir Putin -- The Most Civilized Divorce EVER

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Russian Prez Vladimir Putin
The Most Civilized Divorce
EVER
Vladimir Putin could teach Beverly Hills celebs like Kelsey Grammer a thing or 2 about divorce ... like announcing the end of your marriage after a lovely evening with your estranged wife at the ballet!

It's pretty incredible.  Putin and his wife, Lyudmila Putina, walked out of a performance of Esmeralda at the Great Kremlin Palace when a reporter gingerly began asking the Prez questions about rumors -- rumors that the 2 were living apart.  Putin responded directly ... almost matter-of-factly, "This is so."

The reporter wasn't satisfied, knowing there must be more.  So he threw a Hail Mary:  "I am afraid to say this word 'divorce.'"  Lyudmila responded, "Yes, this is a civilized divorce."

No s**t.

Apparently the divorce isn't final yet.  When it happens, it will end a 30-year marriage.

As for why ... Lyudmila has bitched about the fact that her hubby is all work and no play.  But it seems like he plays, because there have been persistent rumors he's banging a gymnast half his age.

They don't call him Putin for nothin'.